Okay, so you decided to start over, start fresh, start a new, awesome, but where do you go from there? I am feeling the thing I struggle with the most making choices. When there is a fork in the road and no road signs how do you which way is the right for you?
New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.
– Lao Tzu
Indeed they are Lao Tzu. The ending of this chapter in my life is painful. I'm facing the difficult task of letting go of everything I once held onto, including my identity, expectations for my future, and the people I thought would always be by my side. Starting over is necessary, but taking that initial step feels daunting.
Is it really as simple as I want to be different therefore I am? I don't think so. I think it takes a lot of deliberate action to become a new person.
I feel overwhelmed when I look at my meticulously planned Google calendar. At the same time, seeing a blank calendar fills me with a sense of guilt and shame. It seems that being overwhelmed is a constant state for me these days.
Lately, I have been focusing less on my current self and more on my future self, whom I call Future Sue. I believe that Future Sue deserves nothing but the best, including the realization of her dreams and goals, peace, and happiness. As the present Sue, I am responsible for taking care of her. Although the first step, first choice, and first chance may be difficult and followed by many more challenges, I am determined to persevere. I refuse to give up on Sue and let her anything but love.
Although I may dislike making decisions at the moment, I must consider the impact they will have on my future self.
“Every decision brings with it some good, some bad, some lessons, and some luck. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.” – Doe Zantamata