The question I ask myself weekly if not daily. I started out steaming because of the encouragement of Sal (@SalubriousKang). It was a few years back now. Time has flown by so fast. Streaming was something fun to me at first. I already spoke to myself while playing games by myself or others. I am always a commentator whether it's tv or games. As a person with busy family life and shaky mental health, I find it hard to balance streaming into my life.
Streaming for me has always been a pause in the moment. It gives me time to leave my mind and breathe. It gives me opportunities to meet new people and make real friends. It gives my creativity gremlin brain a spotlight. There are days when I am not so sure my gremlin side should have a spotlight given, that too much light and my pale ass will burn. This leads me to the real enemy of every streamer, burnout. If you are anything like me you go hard for a while and start to neglect everything else. Streaming hits all the happy feels until it doesn't. I had to take a break two times now. Each time the break ended up being months. I would every day want to stream but never hit that go-live button. What was I scared of? Rejection? No one showing up? No being good enough?
There were plenty of streamers doing the same thing I would be doing, so why should I bother? The brain bullies were loud and awful. So, I would be left with the dreaded question, to stream or not to stream?
After a lot of self-reflection and some hard-earned self-healing, I decided to stream this week. My old friends showed up like always, welcoming me back with warm emotes and satisfying subs. New people showed up bringing me joy and allowing me to learn new things. It was wonderful as I remember it to be. My stream was the warm fuzzy hug I have been missing so much. Even if there are better streamers with more followers or viewers, I don't want to miss out on the joy that streaming gives me.
Streaming also allows my creative side to flow as I get new assets and art for it.
It is a win-win, well when the brain bullies aren't beating the shit out of me. But don't worry I have gotten better at fighting them, this time around.
I am going to strive for twice a week. I am going to play the games I enjoy. I am going to be kind to myself. Streaming isn't a job ( though it can be) or a chorus, it is an adventure!
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” – Jack Sparrow
I love this quote from none other than Jack Sparrow. Your mindset about your problems is far more important than the problem itself.
So I am trying to have a better mindset about life in general. Well, I feel I am rambling on, so that is enough for today. I will be streaming sometime Wednesday! I look forward to it!